Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
