My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize