I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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