i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
