you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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