I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
