he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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