Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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