Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
