I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
