I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
