A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
