I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
