Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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