Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
