Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize