I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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