from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
