So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize