Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
