I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
