I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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