I'm really into asian looking animals
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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