a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You were trust falling into bushes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize