i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
