I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
