im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
