Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
