Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
