I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
