So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
