u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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