we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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