why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
