I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
