I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize