I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
