somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
