I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
