From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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