Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
