guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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