Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize