a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
