from now on my penis is your penis
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
