We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
