mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
