he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
