Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
