How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
