my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
