grandma shit on top of the toilet
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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