It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize