you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
