Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize