Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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