No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So vagazzling was a success
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm both gender and math confused
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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