I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I want is dick and wine.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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