if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
