remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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