Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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