just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
