no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
