i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
