Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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