Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize