there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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