I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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