six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
