Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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