who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
