your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
