you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's never too late to be topless.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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