i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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