a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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