after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Holy sore nipples Batman
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
