While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize