i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
