I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
