I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
