Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
