TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize