At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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