so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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