my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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