Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize