how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize