2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
