Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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