You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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