You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
