Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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