Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
