no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
