We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
