Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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