just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
