She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
