Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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