Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i believe in u and ur pee
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
