Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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